THE JAGERMEISTER

Sunday, May 27, 2018

I hope you still remember Osborne,,,,yeah! That dude with anxiety issues! Yup, anxiety can be a real problem. We are sharing Osborne’s fateful story because there are plenty of Osbornes out there, and like I always say, a problem shared is a gossip elsewhere! So let’s dive right in.

Last time we left Osborne on his way to the café, after a tragic accident. I have to say he did not have any further “incidences”.  His return to his room was uneventful, but like I said, Osborne has a boring life and I certainly don’t wanna bore with what kind of music he listens to, or what he does on his “normal” day. So why don’t we skip to 7 PM on the same day.

So it’s 7 PM, and Osborne the hard worker who “loves” school is going to the college library. He has plenty of objectives to fulfil. He has made it so that he gets a distinction this time, coz every time he works really hard he always comes out lower than the top 5 in the class. The highest is this chick who never talks to anyone and the number 2,3,4 and 5 are these stupid people who drink a lot and somehow they always make it except the usual number 4; much like Osborne. He’s a hard worker. Damn! Why is the world so unfair?

Anyway, who says life is supposed to be fair? And so, Osborne gets to the library and as usual it is very quiet, and damn it full as well; almost all the good sits are filled. So, Osborne looks around and eureka! Eureka! for he has found an empty seat!! It’s a table with four seats; two seats facing the other two. It’s not ideal, coz Osborne likes a corner seat. He likes his PC facing the corner. What he wants to hide is not for his eyes only, but he goes ahead and sits on one of the remaining chairs.  

He puts on his headphones and starts reading. A few minutes later his stomach starts rumbling. So, he thinks “damn everyone must have heard that”. So, he removes his headsets and looks at the three-people sitting on this table, no one seems to have noticed. He puts back his headphones and continues studying.

Then his stomach misbehaves again. He takes out his headphones and looks at these people, this time one person is looking at him. And so, he thinks “damn, that stomach misdemeanor must have sounded like a huge sound from down under, damn”.

Then feeling guilty, he says to this soul, a soul whose sex is similar to those human beings that caused mayhem in Osborne’s world that earlier when he was heading to the cafeteria. Got it, right?  And Mr Os is like, “oh sorry my stomach is rumbling ha-ha, its not a fart at all”.

This chick says “huh?”, then Osborne says, “I said, it was my stomach not a fart”. Then this chick says, “uuumh okay, it’s just weird how you keep removing your headsets and look at everyone on this table. It’s uncomfortable”.

And Osborne responds like “OH umm yes, of course, like I said it’s my stomach ha-ha, I must be hungry, it’s my stomach, so am leaving now to attend to my stomach.

Off he left! Destination? His room, f course.

He gets there and can’t even study, so he ponders on watching a movie…click click, and before it even commences, someone is opening his room with a key and it’s not opening coz Osborne’s key is still at the door. It must be his roommate.

Osborne wakes up to remove his key from the door and opens the door. “Mesho, how iz it, shouldn’t you be in the library?” This is his room mate asking and he (the Mesho) has a pretty chick by his side and she immediately says “hie”.

Now Osborne thinks “damn Mesho has brought a chick, it’s two weeks to exams so she is most likely not going to stay”.  “Oh, man, library sikunali boo nude ndangobwelako” Osborne responds.

“Ah natal, tableau ndi Tanya akuzacheza” this is his roommate responding. Then Osborne says hie to this Tanya and goes into his bed and they (the trio) start chatting loudly.

Then his Mesho and Tanya get into bed and starts chatting while Osborne is busy trying to focus his mind on the movie. Concessionary the two ask Osborne for an opinion on their stories to which he just laughs and says “ah koma, zinazi”

Now Osborne is hoping this chick will leave soon. But then the two get in bed and they are still chatting.

It’s fine they are just chatting. Then they both fall silent. Osborne then looks at Mesho’s bed thinking maybe they’re having sex under those covers but no there is no such movement. So, he relaxes and starts to put on his headphones coz everything is alright.

Then right there, there is movement. Damn it! What the hell? On a closer look, it’s nothing serious; just random movements. They are probably just making out, it’s not a big deal but come-on, it’s not okay.

On the plus side, Osborne was supposed to be at the library, so making out is the best Mesho can do. Then as he (Osborne) is still observing this movement, he sees an elbow, it’s darker than the chick’s skin, so it must be Mesho’s elbow. Then the elbow comes out further revealing the entire hand, and the hand is holding something that looks like a cloth, and an even closer look at the hand it drops the cloth on the side of the bed. The cloth is pink, and it’s definitely a female underwear!

Osborne stares in horror as he knows what just happened and what’s about to happen.

Mesho, why you persecuting me?!!!

Halla at all the Osbornes out here # Cheers!!!